Speedlight

So many levels, so many sides, so many roles, so many identities, so many faces. I love them all. So, which do you see?

I want lunch! 

Painting shall be the alternate plan. The bath bombs shall not be subjected to water death and continue the peaceful life as an air fresherner. As of now. Lucky you two.

 My fingers are itching to braid some hair. Any hair volunteers? Just makes me want to grow my hair again. 

Luuuuunccchhhhhh

All that money

I am no saint, i admit. I love gambling, i love the adrenaline rush that comes with it. But at the very least, i gamble within my means. I know when to cut off and walk away before the losses get out of hand. 

Early morning counselling on the way to work seems to be the trend. Being the loyal friend, im always more than happy to lend the listening ear, to give advice and to offer comfort words. I am glad that my close friends will think of me to come to for help, that i am someone they can trust and rely on. That being said, the current issue hits too close to home and i am finding it very hard to control my emotions as i normally can. To separate chloe at work and xinhui as a friend. 

This is going to be a long long day.

P.S: just had to get this off my chest. U major asshole! Im gg to kick yr ass and give u a good wakeup call if i ever see u that is.

Edit:

So close to swearing off men and turning lesbian. Awesome day followed by 2 consecutive shit days. Someone up thr is having fun messing with me. What better way to close off 2013. I. Need. My. Long. Run.

Dwell

越想越烦。真的很爱想太多。明明可以很简单却要搞得很复杂。

烦

死

了

vanished

I almost had a mini heart attack when I logged into xanga and realised that they were undergoing some changes. The thought of all my posts which go waaaaay back vanished into the virtual black hole would result in a major meltdown . Thankfully, it was archived and I quickly imported to another more stable platform. As much as i love collecting notebooks and stationeries, with the convenience of a laptop, there is a huge inertia to return to pen and paper. Plus I love the clacking sound that the key board makes and the sensation of pressing down on the alphabets as my fingers fly around the type pad. Password lock definitely beats having to find a suitable hiding place and the fear of hiding it too well that even i can't find it.  And the fear that someone may accidentally stumble upon some of my private thoughts is too scary to contemplate.  

Got my lazy ass to file away all my letters / bills and now the table is marginally neater. Off to hang up the laundry. Gah i hate doing laundry.

the crack in the glass

It feels like a tight slap to the face.  I feel like I'm transported back to the dark little dorm room. The twenty year old me. Every single word is sharp like knives. It hurts but I cannot stop. A blow to the stomach. Yet, I cannot stop. Is like a meth addict that cannot stop. My fingers are glued. I can't move away.

A friend? A lover? A stranger?

In one split second,I was staring at an alien. I feel the walls coming up. I want to withdraw back to my shell and stay there forever. I want to go to a place where you are. Where you can take me into your arms, your smell, your voice. Where I know everything you say is the truth. No lies. No agenda. No pretense. The touch is genuine. It is familiar. It is warm and everything bad will go away. 

Sometimes, I will close my eyes and pretend you are here. I do my best to imagine your voice, your face. I open my eyes and it is blurred.

I miss you and always will.

defining you

"You are not your bra-size, nor are you the width of your waist, nor are you the slenderness of your calves. 

You are not your hair color, your skin color, nor are you a shade of lipstick. 

Your shoe-size is of no consequence. 

You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, or any combination thereof. 

You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, nor are you the number of calories in a day. 

You are not your mustache. You are not the hair on your legs. You are not a little red dress.

You are no amalgam of these things.

You are the content of your character. 

You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. 

You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. 

You are the thoughts you think and the things you wonder. 

You are beautiful and desirable not for the clique you attend, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. 

You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but for the volume of the soul it carries"

-unknown

sometimes, we only see what is on the surface, see what is reflected back at us in the mirror. but if we look harder, just a little bit harder, the beauty that lies beneath all the superficial flaws.

Cope

I must be insane to extend my notice. I.n.s.a.n.e. Even if i wasnt insane at the point where i made the decision to do so, im probably insane now. Driven mad by all the work, the endless calls from clients and the tax authority and of course the smallest stuff like where is the friggin' FS! Actually, that isnt "small". It is fucking scary to not be able to find it. Especially at this point. In the whirlpool of madness. 

Yes it is a mad peson trapped in madness.