Spinning

First it was 3am then 4am then at least 7am. Yesterday was pretty horrible because it was those rare times when i feel utterly useless. Scurrying back and forth, pulling out documents and then to realise that the most impt ones are probably collecting dust in the warehouse. I wish to contribute but i dont know how and it makes me feel guilty and angry at myself. The best i could do was throw out some reassuring words. Easier said than done considering the real battle starts now and all i do is play the spectator role.

maybe letting the waves of guilt and anxiety take over is my way of repentance. The defence mechanism says to run, to pretend that the battle never occurred, the rationalising part says i did everything i could. Yet still. This is gg to be one horrid weekend.