the sixth

the sixth year. So far, you have already missed
a graduation,
a 21st birthday,
two weddings,
a grandson;

and it pains my heart that you will miss so much more.

Sometimes i wake in the middle of the night, fearing that i have forgotten how you sound, how you feel, how you smell. Sometimes, when things hit rock bottom, i wish so badly you are here to tell me everything is going to be okay. You always make everything right, or rather you give me strength to believe that i can make everything right. I think of you everytime i feel like i can't stand it anymore and all i want is to hide under my covers. I think of how strong you are, that no matter how much adversary you face, you always manage to pull through. I know no amount of praying or hoping will bring you back to me, so all I can do is try to become the person that I know you will be proud of.  And to remember all the little things that you have missed so that the day we meet, i can tell them all, all of it, to you. Pinky promise.