All that money

I am no saint, i admit. I love gambling, i love the adrenaline rush that comes with it. But at the very least, i gamble within my means. I know when to cut off and walk away before the losses get out of hand. 

Early morning counselling on the way to work seems to be the trend. Being the loyal friend, im always more than happy to lend the listening ear, to give advice and to offer comfort words. I am glad that my close friends will think of me to come to for help, that i am someone they can trust and rely on. That being said, the current issue hits too close to home and i am finding it very hard to control my emotions as i normally can. To separate chloe at work and xinhui as a friend. 

This is going to be a long long day.

P.S: just had to get this off my chest. U major asshole! Im gg to kick yr ass and give u a good wakeup call if i ever see u that is.

Edit:

So close to swearing off men and turning lesbian. Awesome day followed by 2 consecutive shit days. Someone up thr is having fun messing with me. What better way to close off 2013. I. Need. My. Long. Run.

Dwell

越想越烦。真的很爱想太多。明明可以很简单却要搞得很复杂。

烦

死

了

vanished

I almost had a mini heart attack when I logged into xanga and realised that they were undergoing some changes. The thought of all my posts which go waaaaay back vanished into the virtual black hole would result in a major meltdown . Thankfully, it was archived and I quickly imported to another more stable platform. As much as i love collecting notebooks and stationeries, with the convenience of a laptop, there is a huge inertia to return to pen and paper. Plus I love the clacking sound that the key board makes and the sensation of pressing down on the alphabets as my fingers fly around the type pad. Password lock definitely beats having to find a suitable hiding place and the fear of hiding it too well that even i can't find it.  And the fear that someone may accidentally stumble upon some of my private thoughts is too scary to contemplate.  

Got my lazy ass to file away all my letters / bills and now the table is marginally neater. Off to hang up the laundry. Gah i hate doing laundry.

the crack in the glass

It feels like a tight slap to the face.  I feel like I'm transported back to the dark little dorm room. The twenty year old me. Every single word is sharp like knives. It hurts but I cannot stop. A blow to the stomach. Yet, I cannot stop. Is like a meth addict that cannot stop. My fingers are glued. I can't move away.

A friend? A lover? A stranger?

In one split second,I was staring at an alien. I feel the walls coming up. I want to withdraw back to my shell and stay there forever. I want to go to a place where you are. Where you can take me into your arms, your smell, your voice. Where I know everything you say is the truth. No lies. No agenda. No pretense. The touch is genuine. It is familiar. It is warm and everything bad will go away. 

Sometimes, I will close my eyes and pretend you are here. I do my best to imagine your voice, your face. I open my eyes and it is blurred.

I miss you and always will.

defining you

"You are not your bra-size, nor are you the width of your waist, nor are you the slenderness of your calves. 

You are not your hair color, your skin color, nor are you a shade of lipstick. 

Your shoe-size is of no consequence. 

You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, or any combination thereof. 

You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, nor are you the number of calories in a day. 

You are not your mustache. You are not the hair on your legs. You are not a little red dress.

You are no amalgam of these things.

You are the content of your character. 

You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. 

You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. 

You are the thoughts you think and the things you wonder. 

You are beautiful and desirable not for the clique you attend, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. 

You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but for the volume of the soul it carries"

-unknown

sometimes, we only see what is on the surface, see what is reflected back at us in the mirror. but if we look harder, just a little bit harder, the beauty that lies beneath all the superficial flaws.

Cope

I must be insane to extend my notice. I.n.s.a.n.e. Even if i wasnt insane at the point where i made the decision to do so, im probably insane now. Driven mad by all the work, the endless calls from clients and the tax authority and of course the smallest stuff like where is the friggin' FS! Actually, that isnt "small". It is fucking scary to not be able to find it. Especially at this point. In the whirlpool of madness. 

Yes it is a mad peson trapped in madness.

Breathe

RAAAAAAAAAH! having minions under you at work sure has its benefits, like doubling up as a punching bag. In this case, the punching bag was the innocent senior associate who happened to be within arm's length ,i.e. Ideal punching radius. Now where are the other male associates....

Gah i need b&j. 

meet my new friend

Claudette iz her name

I met Claudette today and she cost $60. Yes, you can buy friendship! Who says friendship is priceless? It isn't! So welcome, Claudette, to my tight little circle of friends because your new friend here is anti-social and enjoys having her butt fused into the chair while watching eps after eps of TV crap over mingling with other humans.

Besides the exciting news of a new found friend, I burnt my hand with the curling tongs. Specifically my right hand. So now I know what 200 degrees feels like. In fact, I can tell you right now what it feels like. MUTHAFUCKING HOT LIKE FUCKITY FUCK. Yeah that's how it feels like. I'm amazed my fingers haven't turned black yet.  My fingers are tough shit yo.  As opposed to my good friend's delicate face (I AM SO SORRY TWINNIE FOR BURNING A SPOT ON YR FACE I REALLY AM). Now we know curling tongs can double up as a murder weapon. Sticks and stones may break your bones but I guarantee the curling tongs set at 200 degree will burn yr face off! BURN YOUR FOES WITH CURLING TONGS!

To top off the awesome day of having a new friend and the discovery of a new murder tool, I cut my hair! I wanted to keep it long but after seeing Rachel McAdams looking cute as a button in short hair, I decided to snip off my not-here-not-there hair length to a short bob. The only bad part is the fringe. OMFG. It is bloody annoying!!!!! Please see pictures below.



SEE WHAT I MEAN SEE WHAT I MEAN!!!! fucking annoying fringe!!!!

sayin' hi bottoms up! my nostrils are chioer than yrs.

the side view of le bob

 

prove that my right fingers are not black. and annoying fringe pinned up because my left eye is sick of looking at a block of hair.

It is kinda mean to bitch badmouth Just voicing out a mini annoyance, T sometimes falls asleep while texting me. Am i that boring? Am I? Am I? If you are reading this which i doubt so, but just in case, AM I?!!? Maybe I should start sending over half naked pics of myself or something...

grey

如果你不再出现

我的世界还有什么可贵

  
可惜不够时间        

让我们试验什么叫永远

       

想念变成怀念

       

心动变成心碎

       

偏偏还会关切

       

你最后属于谁

       

我的天空今天有点灰

***************************************

Long Phung Vietnamese Restaurant @ Joo Chiat

The spring rolls and squid were pretty normal. But the pho is an entirely different story. Get a bowl of that (or two because it is worth the stomach discomfort before lapsing into pho coma) and leave (or roll out) a happy person.

red

All i see is red. Still, i calmly go round doing the things i should do. My hands move to pick up the pieces, the mop. My mind picks up the glass to throw, the knife to slash. The splitting headache then comes and goes.

The phone rings. I breathe and speak calmly. I hear the shattering of the glass, the slashing of the knife. Everything erupts into this crazy crazy mess. The million pieces of glass everywhere all around. It is a mesmerising shade of red. All shades of red. I hang up the phone. And then it is over. 

tim ho wan @ toa payoh central

After getting lost at TPY for half an hour trying to find the famed THW from HK, we finally arrived to a queue outside before it was even opened. The cha siew polo bun was the bomb. Happy tummy!

Rackuichi @ Novena photolog

Nothing short of yums. Glad that T liked it!

holy grail

And baby, it's amazing I'm in this maze with you

I just can't crack your code

One day you're screaming you love me loud

The next day you're so cold

One day you're here

One day you're there

One day you care

You're so unfair

Sipping from you cup til it runneth over


Holy grail.

3,2,1, lets go

The countdown has begun. Never thought this day would finally come. It is more than a month away but we all know, in a blink of an eye, the desk would be empty of papers, files and stationeries. Right now, as i await for the bus that is taking forever to arrive qto go into work on a public holiday (really, we are so used to it), i feel sad. A small part of me wants to ask back for that piece of paper and rip it to shreds. To say, oops i change my mind, lets pretend this never happened shall we?

Yesterday night, i broke the news to my ex-mentor. I felt that i owed it to him to let him know the news straight from me rather than a cold email blast (speaking of which, i need to go do a check on the status of the letter). He wasn't super shocked but still was a little taken back. I guess he didnt think that it would be this soon. Seems that management has noticed that my mood for the past month wasnt that great (really?! Am i that obvious?) and ppl were kind of speculating some stuff? We shared abit about work, family and life; joked a little. It felt nice and i was glad that i had this private time with him. As much as there are times where we pissed each other off so bad (looks like we are pretty similar in the sense that we really show our black faces when we get mad), he has taught me so much about tax and i knew he was one of the few who spoke up for me during appraisal when highly irrelevant remarks were made (shakes fist at some ppl). For that, i am forever grateful.

I am glad that i have decided to sit through the one last peak with the best bunch of colleagues i could ever ask for. For once, i dont dread the crazy late nights; getting high on caffeine (ooh starbucks!); fighting over the printer; the natural gathering at E's table joking about anything and everything over the many many packed-in dinners; etc. It has been nothing short of an awesome four years. Thank you so much to you guys and best of luck.

P.s: why is my bag so bloody effing heavy???? I only have my wallet, my pouch of lippies, my rilakkuma pouch with the key to my gate, my kindle, my hp charger, an apple, a mini mirror, some knicknac... Oh right. Okay. #woesofagirl

oh go away

1.fever
2.flu
3.sorethroat
AND I HAZ 2. and 3.!!! GAH. Mind over matter; mind over matter.

And what better way to heal faster is to go to the gym. I kid you not. That's how superhuman beings recover. Superhuman beings. Not mere mortals. True story. So don't come blaming me if you die in the gym, u measly mortals.#justsayin

P.S: Scratch that. Totally dying. I think the adrenaline rush from gym was only a temporary effect. I foresee the fever coming up. DAMN YOU NASTY VIRUS. RAH!

pretty little things

“Some people care too much. I think it's called love.”

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 

"Pooh?" he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"
 
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand.

 "I just wanted to be sure of you.”

the sixth

the sixth year. So far, you have already missed
a graduation,
a 21st birthday,
two weddings,
a grandson;

and it pains my heart that you will miss so much more.

Sometimes i wake in the middle of the night, fearing that i have forgotten how you sound, how you feel, how you smell. Sometimes, when things hit rock bottom, i wish so badly you are here to tell me everything is going to be okay. You always make everything right, or rather you give me strength to believe that i can make everything right. I think of you everytime i feel like i can't stand it anymore and all i want is to hide under my covers. I think of how strong you are, that no matter how much adversary you face, you always manage to pull through. I know no amount of praying or hoping will bring you back to me, so all I can do is try to become the person that I know you will be proud of.  And to remember all the little things that you have missed so that the day we meet, i can tell them all, all of it, to you. Pinky promise.

dangerous cutie on the loose

 

My nephew cannot get more adorable. Still cant decide he looks more like the pop or the mom. Soon I will get to assult his cheeks and talk in high pitched cutesy voice #score.

Selfie in office because I am sad like that. I think i got the workaholic gene from the mum. Or maybe is because I have no friends. HAHA. Cleaning agent stinks and conversations about bananas cracks me up. To you know who, thanks for that banana pic.

Spinning

First it was 3am then 4am then at least 7am. Yesterday was pretty horrible because it was those rare times when i feel utterly useless. Scurrying back and forth, pulling out documents and then to realise that the most impt ones are probably collecting dust in the warehouse. I wish to contribute but i dont know how and it makes me feel guilty and angry at myself. The best i could do was throw out some reassuring words. Easier said than done considering the real battle starts now and all i do is play the spectator role.

maybe letting the waves of guilt and anxiety take over is my way of repentance. The defence mechanism says to run, to pretend that the battle never occurred, the rationalising part says i did everything i could. Yet still. This is gg to be one horrid weekend. 

museum reina sofia x madrid

this is probably the first time i ever felt my blood boil over the quality of work handed in to me for my review. i normally just get a little bit sian that the work is slipshod, and to make myself feel better, i would mentally search for excuses for them.  sigh, just want to get it over and done with. pfft.

can't wait for the weekends where i will meet 2 of my favouritest girls in the world.

Loved the architecture of museum reina sofia. I was snapping non-stop till the security came to chase as they were closing.  Madrid was different from Barcelona. It felt less crowded, more spacious, buildings were bigger and grander.  Between the two, I would still choose Barcelona which is more cosmo-feel to it.

I need another holiday.

Hazey

Always thought that i am a superwoman and nothing could take me down (haze? What haze? Bah!). With the haze situation worsening, the superwoman sad to say, is starting to feel the effects. Even after spraying a ton of perfume (i swear i saw my dog secretly choke on e sudden attack of VS scent and giving me the evil eye), i imagine them being mercilessly gobbled by up haze particles with scary sharp teeth, leaving my clothes reeking of a nasty smokey smell. 

I walk out of my house and i see the construction workers toiling away (without masks of course) and my heart goes out to them. I work in an enclosed airconditioned space and am already complaining tt the haze is seeping through the air tunnels or whatever ninja methods to get into the office , exaggerating that the haze is affecting my ability to review any work. AllI want to do is go home and watch Top Gear (the polar special ep is sooo good and Hammond is crazy adorable!!! -fangirl-). 

Was joking with the sis that tmr 撞门games can be changed to breathing 10 mins of haze before u can see the bride. 

The roads are pretty much empty and my express bus is almost at office. Time to brave the haze again. RIP my Victoria Secrets scent. 

La Sagrada Familia

There was an insanely long line when we arrived.  Trekking across town (ard 40 mins in total) from our hostel, with me pointing excitedly to the structure from a distance, we arrived and were told not to join the queue as it was getting too long and advised to book the tickets online. We attempted to log onto the net at the Macs nearby but it was insanely crappy.  We ditched Mac and headed to a Starbucks nearby (NO GREENTEA LATTES WOE IS ME) and booked online tickets so that we can skip the insanely long queue.  And then we realised that we had to print out the documents and there was no internet cafes to be seen. I told to the gf to bare her boobs (mine was close to non existent) if necessary to get ourselves in because no way in hell I am going to be denied entry. I know I know, i am such a great friend.

Luckily for us, no boobs baring was necessary. Via the amazing device called iphone, we showed our virtual tickets and tadah! we are in.  Btw, audioguide is a must to understand the significance of some of the carvings around the structure and inside the La Sagrada Familia.  The view from the top was of course breath-taking and then you will take a winding staircase all the way down. FYL if you were stuck behind am overenthusiastic photographer who wants to take pictures every 3 steps down.  We were behind a family who had a really cute daughter.

I wonder when will it ever complete construction.

*********************************

I am adding David Sedaris to my favourite authors list. HE IS SO FUNNY I CANT EVEN. I have finished reading 3 books and I have lost count of the times where I wanted to laugh out loud on the bus while reading his books. Gosh I wish I could speak old english and drive my colleagues absolutely nuts.